


All That's Left Are Your Bones

by sgtbarness



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I'm really sorry about this, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:05:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2185842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtbarness/pseuds/sgtbarness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Punk,” He says, just loud enough for Steve to hear. That’s all it takes for Steve to cheer up.</p><p>“Jerk.” Both Steve and Bucky take this as a sign of friendship from the other. It is not. It is a sign of love.</p><p>They’ve always communicated in this way. Bucky helping Steve beat up a bully, Steve telling Bucky “I had him on the ropes.” When Steve’s too sick to leave the house and he tells Bucky to go out without him. Bucky taking care of Steve while he’s sick. After an argument, “punk” “jerk” is their version of kiss and make up. Late at night, they stay up, searching their brains for how they would say I love you, without realizing that they’re saying it on a daily basis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That's Left Are Your Bones

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is really, really bad. Actually, I'm sorry for this fic in general. I was going to write some stupid cliche fic, but then it turn into this. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

“Steve?” Bucky said, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve, who was lying in bed, didn’t move. They were in the middle of one of the harshest winters New York had seen in quite some time. Steve was sicker than usual, if that was even possible. He would lay asleep in bed for days, and he was barely awake when Bucky forced him up to eat. Every time Bucky left the house, he was worried he would come back to… Well, it was difficult for him to even imagine it. For now, he would continue taking care of Steve. “Stevie, you’ve gotta get up. I made food, and I’ve got your medicine here too.” Steve still didn’t budge. Bucky sighed, resisting the urge to brush the hair from Steve’s forehead. Bucky loved Steve, he always had. He would beat up every bully in the state of New York for this kid, but all he could do was try and get him through this winter. Sometimes when Steve got really bad, Bucky almost told him how he felt. The words would be on the tip of his tongue, when Steve would open his eyes and be okay again. Bucky always wondered what would happen if he told Steve all of this, how he would react, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t want to sacrifice their friendship. Still, Bucky wondered, what if today was the day he lost Steve? He knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he never said anything. 

“Bucky?” Steve said, opening his eyes. A wave of relief washed over Bucky. “How long have I been out?” Bucky hesitated. Steve had been out just over one day, but he hated it when Bucky didn’t wake him up after about 12 hours. “Buck, come on.”

“Uh, it’s been just over a day. But I made you food and stuff. If you’re hungry I can go get tha-“

“I asked you to wake me up.” Steve knows that Bucky was just trying to help, but if he sleeps for more than 12 hours, he feels disoriented and like he missed out on something important. He’s also afraid that something bad will happen if he sleeps too long, and he won’t be there for Bucky. He’s not really in any shape to be helping Bucky, but sick or not, Steve Rogers would go to the ends of the earth for Bucky Barnes. Or, at least, he would try to. 

“I’m sorry. I just figured you needed your rest.” Silence. “So are you hungry? I made food.” Steve nodded. “OK. Stay here, alright? I’ll be back in a second.” As Bucky leaves the room, Steve thinks, ‘stay here my ass,’ and pulls the covers off his body and swings his legs around to touch the ground. He stands up slowly, knowing that after sleeping for more than 12 hours it would be difficult for him to walk, especially when he’s this sick. He makes his way to the kitchen, stopping every few seconds to lean against the wall. Their apartment isn’t big, not even close, but Steve is so weak he struggles to walk even a few steps. When he finally reaches the kitchen, Bucky’s back is turned to him, which means Steve can probably make it to the table before Bucky notices him and forces him back to bed. Steve loves Bucky, more than he would care to admit, and appreciates Bucky taking care of him, but sometimes Steve needs to do things for himself. Just as he was reaching the table, about to grab for a chair to steady himself, Bucky turned and saw him. 

“Steve, come on.” Bucky walked towards Steve, helping him sit down in a chair. “I told you I’d bring you the food.” Bucky shook his head. Steve was so bent on being self-sufficient that there was a good chance it would kill him. He prayed that it wouldn’t, but if Steve kept trying to do even the simplest things, Bucky knew there would be one time it went horrendously wrong.

“I know what you said, Buck, but sometimes I just like to do stuff on my own.” Steve is stubborn, but he has to be. When he comes so close to death every time the temperature drops below forty degrees, he has to push through. He knows why Bucky is worried, and the last thing he wants to do is get Bucky upset, but he has to do this. Get himself out of bed, make himself food. As much as he hates to admit it, he doesn’t think Bucky is going to stick around forever. He’ll find a pretty girl someday, that definitely won’t be too difficult for Bucky. Steve knows it’ll happen sooner than he thinks. Bucky, however, knows it’ll never happen.

“Well stay here, at least, so I can bring you your food. Don’t try to get up and help me.” Steve nods, seeming defeated. Bucky studies Steve for a moment, then laughs quietly. “Punk,” He says, just loud enough for Steve to hear. That’s all it takes for Steve to cheer up.

“Jerk.” Both Steve and Bucky take this as a sign of friendship from the other. It is really a sign of love.

They’ve always communicated in this way. Bucky helping Steve beat up a bully, Steve telling Bucky “I had him on the ropes.” When Steve’s too sick to leave the house and he tells Bucky to go out without him. Bucky taking care of Steve while he’s sick. After an argument, “punk” “jerk” is their version of kiss and make up. Late at night, they stay up, searching their brains for how they would say I love you, without realizing that they’re saying it on a daily basis.

The food Bucky brings Steve is simple, but it’s enough. Bucky sits across the table from Steve, who eats slowly at first, and then quicker, realizing just how hungry sleeping for a day can make someone. Once he’s finished, he looks across the table at Bucky.

“How’s work?” Steve asks. He knows that Bucky gets nervous and sometimes refuses to leave the house when Steve gets really bad, so he always asks to make sure Bucky hasn’t stayed inside this whole time waiting for him to wake up.

“S’alright. Nothing special, as usual. Gets food. And your medicine.” There’s not a lot of medicine available for Steve, at least effective medicine, but Bucky would spend an entire fortune trying to get Steve better.

“Did you go out?” Bucky doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t need to you. Steve always tries to force Bucky out of the house, he deserves better then to be stuck inside with Steve. 

“You feeling any better?” Bucky says, ignoring the question. Steve doesn’t mention the change of subject. Yes, he’s about to answer, but then he realizes he actually feels pretty weak, weaker than when he first woke up. He thinks it’s probably just the walk from his bedroom to the kitchen. “Steve?”

“Uh,” Steve doesn’t want to lie to Bucky, but if he tells the truth, Bucky will only worry more. He tries to think of an answer when suddenly he’s cold, very cold, and a shiver passes over his body. The fever is back, he can tell, and so can Bucky. 

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky gets up and he’s next to Steve in a second. “I’m taking you back to bed. Do you need help, or are you okay to walk?” Steve tries to answer, but he can’t, so instead he just nods. He can feel Bucky’s hands hovering around him, just in case, and that’s good, because the second Steve stands up, he falls over. Bucky catches him, helping him into his bedroom. Steve is shivering, and he can feel that even with Bucky’s help, the walk made him even more tired. Bucky pulls the blankets over him, and then, Steve vaguely remembers, Bucky tells him he’s going to get more blankets. When he gets back, Bucky thinks later that Steve won’t remember what happens next. Bucky remembers every moment.

As Bucky is laying the last blanket over Steve, Steve grabs Bucky’s arm. “I’m so cold,” Steve says. It breaks Bucky’s heart every time he has to see Steve like this.

“I know Stevie.” Steve tugs slightly at Bucky’s arm, pulling Bucky into bed with him. Bucky’s surprised, but goes along with it as Steve puts his head on Bucky’s chest and drapes Bucky’s arm over his waist. Bucky doesn’t protest, and lays there until Steve’s breathing evens out. After a while, he’s moved just enough so that’s he comfortable and is still wrapped around Steve. This is how he falls asleep.  
\--------  
Bucky wakes up a few hours later. It’s just beginning to get light outside, so he tries to wake Steve up, unsuccessfully. He gets up and goes to the kitchen, filling up two glasses of water, one for himself and one for Steve if he wakes up. Bucky thinks for a moment that he should go to work because if he doesn’t he’ll lose his job, but he doesn’t want to leave, especially if Steve wakes up anytime soon. So he goes back to bed, tries again to wake Steve up, and when that doesn’t work, wraps his arms around Steve and sleeps.  
\--------  
Bucky’s life goes on like this for a few days. Wake up, try to get Steve up, eat something, go back to bed. He doesn’t go to work, in fact, he doesn’t go out at all. He’s too worried about Steve, who seems to be getting worse and worse with each day. Every once in a while, Steve will mumble something, barely awake, and go back to sleep. Once, in the middle of the night, Bucky woke up to a shivering Steve, his hands grasping Bucky’s t-shirt, trying to pull him closer. Bucky moved closer, wrapping his arms tighter around Steve. Steve’s grasp loosens, and Bucky falls asleep hoping that tomorrow will be the day Steve wakes up, all better.

That’s not what happens.

Instead, Steve wakes up coughing. Bucky immediately reaches over for the glass of water on Steve’s side table. Steve’s sweating like crazy, the fever finally broke, but he barely stops coughing long enough to drink water. He does, though, and as Bucky’s setting the glass down, Steve’s head falls against Bucky’s chest, his breathing steady. They sit there for a few minutes, with Bucky’s arm wrapped around Steve. Just as Bucky thinks Steve is asleep, Steve’s breathing changes, quick and shallow. Bucky forces Steve to sit up right, but Steve doesn’t have the strength. Bucky’s hand reaches up to cup Steve’s face, whose eyes are barely open. Steve’s hand grasps Bucky’s hand.

“I can’t do it, Buck,” he says in a whisper. It’s a miracle he even has the breath to talk at this point, Bucky thinks. 

“Yes you can.” Bucky’s trying not to cry now. He can’t lose Steve, he doesn’t think he can live without him. It’s selfish, he knows it, but if Steve can’t stay for anyone else, Bucky hopes it’s for him.

“Bucky Barnes,” Steve’s gasping for air now, “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Bucky shakes his head, then realizes it doesn’t register with Steve in this state.

“No,” he chokes out. Steve chuckles, or tries to, but it only turns into more coughing. He’s barely breathing now, and it kills Bucky to see him so helpless. Since they’ve known each other, Bucky has always helped Steve. Not that Steve didn’t try to do everything on his own, but there were some, actually most, fights he couldn’t win alone. This is one, Bucky thinks, that he can’t win at all.

“Well, I love you a whole damn lot.” Steve’s breathing begins to slow, but the space in between each one is longer. Bucky knows it wouldn’t be long until he’s gone.

“I love you too, Steve,” Steve smiled slightly, and suddenly, with one, long breath, he was gone.  
\--------  
A few months later, Bucky decides to enlist in the army. He knows that, despite his physical condition, Steve would’ve enlisted. So Bucky enlists in honor of Steve. He also does it to die. 

And when Dr. Erskine invites him to be the trial for some super soldier serum because he’s a “righteous man”, Bucky can’t help but feel that Steve should be in his place. Steve had always been the righteous one, not Bucky. He agrees anyway, and before he puts HYDRA’s plane on ice, he thinks of Steve.

And his first thought, 70 years later, is of Steve, too. When he first woke up, he thought it had been a dream. Steve was in the other room, still alive, and everything in the world was right again. But he soon found out the truth. Bucky had come back from the dead, but Steve never would.


End file.
